One of the biggest things I believe in strategy, PR and marketing is the concept of positioning.
Once a positioning is set, the end is clear. All data then serves in reference to that anchor point– to confirm or deny that. Which is why people tend to take branding and core values so seriously.
So recently, Dunstan taught me this thing about schemas, and I suddenly got an epiphany today– isn’t core beliefs like positioning in a sense?
If in childhood we are brought up to believe that we are not enough, we don’t deserve happiness, we are discretely bad people and we don’t deserve to exist, then such form core beliefs. Future data points in life then serve to confirm or deny such anchor points.
It’s a victim’s mentality to think that childhood’s core beliefs cannot be changed. It can. Because it’s a habit, and it just takes 21 days to change it. Awareness is first step. Then we accept, and then we decide to put ourselves through a positive brainwashing in 21 days.
Journal. Take responsibility. Think of the results we want and then work backwards to figure out what core beliefs we have. Do the core beliefs serve us today?
What Does This Realisation Mean For My Social Circles?
Some folks whom I have had the fortune of meeting did alert me to the observation that I like watching real-life-drama, and therefore stay close to people who like creating drama, without being involved in them myself.
Well I’ve decided to change that because now I realised that’s not how I want to spend my limited energy and time, moving forward.
I sometimes feel guilt for “leaving people behind”, then I slowly saw that people won’t change overnight and whatever I do “to help” will not change their core schemas.
We cannot force a horse to drink water– horses will drink when they feel thirsty and if we keep forcing them, they will blame us directly or indirectly instead for interfering with their lives and schemas…
Plus life is limited– my time, energy, intelligence and resources are limited. I choose not to spend them on drama-creating people and instead to spend them on more intelligent and resourceful people who can make my life better. Defined as, contributing towards my life goals.
I have grown to be aware and accepting that I cannot help everyone. So now, I want to spend my time now wisely to accumulate capital, to serve my communities and pursue what I’m passionate about. Because then I can help way more people who want to be helped. Instead of way less scope of people who want to be stuck in their drama-schema.
And yes, honing people’s skills is definitely one huge part of it.
Over the weekend I read “Happy Money” by Ken Honda and I love this part in particular–
I am sure you have figured out by now that there is real security in having a healthy stock and flow. If you create enough stock and flow, then eventually you will feel no stress. The number will vary depending on your lifestyle, need, and priorities. So how do you figure out what realistically is a good amount for you?
If you set this number too high, you may find yourself in the same trap that so many other people are caught in: working continuously and never finding satisfaction.
For your own peace of mind, imagine how many assets and how much income are ideal for you. Then figure out who you know or admire who lives similarly. Study how they got to that place. If you have a personal relationship with that person, ask them for guidance. They may be eager to share their insights and knowledge. They themselves didn’t get there by chance. After all, they, too, achieved their financial success with a certain mind-set.
If you work for a company and don’t feel like you’re advancing the way you wish, or feel that you could be doing more, then you need to step out of your comfort zone and ask for a job or a position that is more suitable for your talents. Find ways you can contribute more. As you move closer to where you can shine most, the power to attract people will increase, and so will your income.
One of the best and most common exercises to figure out your ideal financial situation is to imagine yourself five years from now. Take a moment and visualize this: Where do you see yourself financially? What do you want to see yourself doing? How do you think you can contribute your talents to the world? What does your lifestyle look like? Are you smiling? Happy?
Be bold here. I once coached a young housewife who imagined being a business owner. Within three years she was generating more income than her husband. Then imagine yourself in ten years. Ask yourself:
- Now who am I?
- What am I doing?
- In what ways am I contributing?
- What assets do I possess?
- What is my income like?
- How am I helping people?
If you take these steps, you will get there.”
Excerpt From: Ken Honda. “Happy Money.” iBooks.
And my friend told me this today–
–“be honest with yourself, then you can take care of others”
I don’t need to explain why I’m pruning my social circle… 🙂 It just feels right.